Do you remember being younger and thinking you knew it all?
Now in my early thirties, I can’t help looking back and sometimes laughing at myself as I realise how little I really knew. Although I have learnt a great deal about myself, I did not expect that at 32 years I would still be learning to understand who I am; what is important to me, my passions and what my WHY really is. Do we ever stop learning these things?
Shortly after I closed the Breakfast by Bella Deli in February this year, I met up with two ladies who were like mentors to me at the time. I was SO HAPPY to have finally closed the deli and to be released from a situation that I felt was imprisoning me. However, I also remember feeling lost, sad, confused, hurt and scared. I have always been a hardworking and determined individual, yet suddenly I felt I had no direction. No purpose. I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself and no goals to strive for; a notion which is completely against my being and had me at a complete loss!
When asked what I would do next, I considered ideas but none of them seemed quite right. Both ladies immediately detected that none of my suggestions were what I truly wanted. However, one thing I did want, was to continue Breakfast by Bella in some way as a blog. I LOVE to create, I LOVE to write, I LOVE to connect and I LOVE to help and inspire in any way I possibly can. Then I was hit with my stumbling block: “What’s the purpose of your blog?” Honestly, I had no clue.
I am no longer producing granola, so WHY blog? WHAT am I even promoting?
The idea of writing without a product to promote seemed strange. Not because I didn’t have things to share, but because I wondered who would even want to read my ramblings among all the other blogs available, or take note of my recipes over the tonnes of others already online?
Feeling low at the time about giving up my business, I was helped to see that there is nothing wrong with taking a step back from something that has not worked the way I hoped, especially when it happened for reasons beyond my control. Surely continuing something that was making me heartbreakingly unhappy, and where no goals were being achieved, is far worse than having the courage to say STOP. Afterall, what was the point in missing out on life and all the amazing things around me when I could not see a way of enjoying those amazing things at some point in the future. Surely that could never justify my why.
I was advised to “take time and not to rush”, to enjoy the summer and most of all to enjoy being completely and utterly free, because it is the break that will enable me to find myself again. I was also told that at some point in the future I will realise that all the shit I was experiencing at that time would be the best thing that could have happened, because it will be my “upfail”. Reluctantly at first, that’s exactly what I did. I recovered. I took it slow. I walked. I ran. I LAUGHED … A LOT! I moved house. I holidayed.
Suddenly I stopped worrying about where my life was going and I let my life find me.
In doing so, I found my why once more.
SO, WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF BREAKFAST BY BELLA?
Breakfast by Bella seems like an idea that started with food. Don’t get me wrong, it some ways it was. It was that Surrey – London commuter who liked to dress in her suit and heels for work and hated the nasties found in pre-packed food (and still hates them). Someone who also begrudged spending money on overpriced porridge at London’s Waterloo station. A girl who found how easy it is to make a deliciously satisfying and clean breakfast in a jar and take it to work. However, beyond that was a woman fed up of constant strain of ovarian cysts, tired of the continuous ultra sounds and debilitating period pains. A woman approaching her thirties who desperately hoped for a baby one day, but was petrified that all the gynaecological disruption would mean that conception would not be that simple.
I found clean eating as a way to help combat that physically, mentally and emotionally. However, when I go to the heart of who “Bella” really is, her goals go far beyond wanting to inspire people to eat well. I want to be an emotional support, mentor and friend to those struggling on their fertility journey.
As such, I am training to become a Freedom Fertility Formula Specialist and I could not be more excited.
Having been through my own fertility journey, I will neither forget the emotional rollercoaster we are thrust upon nor the power our emotions have during that journey.
As exciting as a fertility journey can be, it can also be a painful one. In completing the introductory work for my course, I have found out that one in seven couples will struggle to conceive. Despite this, there is very little emotional support available.
When we are confronted with another month of trying to get pregnant, of feeling “flutters” and other endless symptoms that make us OBSESS, as we convince ourselves we are pregnant only to start a period a couple of weeks later, who is there to understand and to simply listen?
Who is there to help us overcome our emotions in a productive way, so that they do not continue to drain our fertility journey and our lives?
What about those of us who miscarry? Once, twice, maybe three times or more.
There’s an endless amount of questions I could bring up. The point is that our minds and emotions are more powerful than we realise. If we do not find a release, we cannot move forward and we may find ourselves at a loss.
Therefore, in some cases, finding balance in our mental and emotional wellbeing could be the key to unlocking the tyranny that our fertility journey may be causing.
And I want to help.
WHERE DOES BREAKFAST / FOOD COME IN?
As I work through my Freedom Fertility Formula studies, I see how mental and emotional wellbeing is relevant to us all, whether we are on a fertility journey or not. Therefore I remain firm in my belief that food can be our medicine; not because what we eat could be the difference to us getting pregnant or not. Rather that our lifestyle and food can help us to create a healthy mind and body connection, which may ultimately impact our mental and emotional health.
As such, I will be sharing self-care inspiration and recipes in due course.
As for breakfast, well not only is it the most important meal of the day, but it is also a great time for refection and "pondering".
The BBB recipe page will be up and running again shortly.
SO, WHAT’S NEXT?
See me as a fertility specialist, a mentor, a friend, but know that I am here.
I expect to complete my studies by late 2019.
I look forward to offering events and services in early 2020.
My website is currently a work in progress as I slowly re-jig it a bit, adding new information and working on my recipe page.
In the meantime, you can follow me on Instagram as I learn to negotiate my own self-care needs alongside work, family life, studies and my journey to becoming a Freedom Fertility Formula Specialist.
Keep on the lookout for any recipes and rambles, which I will post with the hope of inspiring you to feed your mind, body and soul.
For more information, do not hesitate to contact me on: email@example.com
Love Bella x